It’s no secret that love is what makes the world go around… but communication is at the heart of Love. Whether you communicate love by words, touch, time, gifts or your actions, speaking it your way and having someone understand is truly profound.
If you’re struggling with a relationship, be it, family, your kids, your partner or friends, better understanding how the other person receives love, opens up so many doors for understanding, communication and happiness.
Just as we can measure our weight in kilograms we can measure our happiness by the level of our ‘love tank’
So where is this magical vessel?
We all have our very own love tank. When it’s full, we feel warm, happy, loved, optimistic and full of life. Its filled by our friends, kids, family, lovers and the things and situations that we surround ourselves with that make us feel joy.
On the other hand, our love tanks can run low and this is often caused by lack of love or lack of understanding, negativity, shitty people, unhealthy circumstances and degrading self-talk.
Having a mostly full tank will keep you in high spirits, thus attracting others on the same frequency…. Ultimately, this is a place you want to find and stay (as much as possible)
So how do we take our relationships from where they are now, to the next level? Let me introduce you to the 5 Love Languages and how will they help you improve and possibly save a relationship your in.
We all express and receive love in different ways. Author and creator of the 5 love languages, PHD Dr. Gary Chapman has outlined that there are 5 ways that we can feel and show love:
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
- Gift Giving
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
Seems simple? Right?
Consider this. What if everyone you cared about spoke a different language…
Sure, some phrases you can work out, but most are totally foreign.
So what if you learnt what the other persons language was and even though its not your mother tongue… you put in the effort to learn their language so you can really communicate.
My favorite example is that of a mother and a daughter, both with so much love for one another, but speaking opposite languages and therefore feeling unloved and frustrated toward each other. The daughter, speaking highly in affirmations and the mother in acts of service. Although the daughter was loved so much, all she wanted to hear was words that expressed that.
That’s it for the geography for now, here is a little about each one of the love languages:
Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said “ I could live for two months on a good compliment”. Just a few kind words would be enough for his love tank to fill right up! Compliments, encouraging words, and verbal appreciation will set the heart of one of these people on fire!
“You look amazing today”
“I appreciate you and all that you do for me”
“You’re so inspiring”
I’m not talking a full on ‘Pash’ here – A hug, a pat on the back or a touch on the shoulder will mean the world to someone who’s language is physical touch. This is true for children, be them your own or others as well as adults, friends or partners. If your child’s love language is physical touch and you rarely give them a hug, your child will grow up feeling unloved and this can manifest into their future relationships.
If this is not your language you might find it tricky to show and adapt – but even a touch on the arm of someone who speaks and receives highly in PT can show them they feel loved and appreciated.
Don’t mistake these people for being materialistic. For them, its about the thoughtfulness, time and effort behind the gift. For a gift giver, missed birthdays or anniversary’s are heartbreaking. Gifts are their visual and tangible representations of love and are greatly appreciated.
Remember that a gift doesn’t need to be expensive or even cost anything at all, but even something that you make for them to show that you have thought of them.
A flower picked from your neighbour’s garden or a gift box of food sent to them will let them know you care.
Acts of Service
Known also by some as “Acts of kindness” – which I think is a beautiful way to see it. Anything you can do to ease the stress of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person mean so much to them. Music to their ears is: “I can do that for you.” If this is your language then laziness, broken commitments, empty promises and having people make more work for you will make you feel as though your feelings don’t matter and can drive you crazy!
Things to do for an “acts of service” person:
Unpack the dishwasher without being asked.
Fix or build something that the other can not or has been putting off.
Fill up your their car with petrol without being asked
Quality time is about giving someone your undivided attention. This means if your phone buzzes during a conversation – don’t answer it. Don’t sift through Instagram during a conversation. 100% of your focus should be on that other person. Obviously we can’t do this all the time, but make sure if you have someone who’s language Quality time, then you make time in your schedule for that person. They will appreciate it more than you know J
Block out an hour of your day to spend with this person and don’t be late.
Leave your phone and other distractions in your car if you have lunch with a QT friend.
After a while, you will see people’s languages and will be able to show affection easily and it will be understood correctly. However, if you’re new to this or not sure what your language is, go to:
and take the simple test to find what language you are highest in… just remember as life ebbs and flows, we change as humans and we grow, so our language may change too.